


CFA and JBB

by bluegraybucky



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Age Difference, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bucky is 18 Steve is Older, Captain America Steve Rogers/Modern Bucky Barnes, Daddy Kink, Fluff, M/M, No Angst, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Shrunkyclunks, Social Anxiety, Top Steve Rogers, i cant help myself i just need to get them together!, not a slow burn like at all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:15:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25000759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluegraybucky/pseuds/bluegraybucky
Summary: "Now, I have a very, very exciting announcement, but I’m going to need you to be quiet while I get this out. We have a visitor coming to our school - a very special one. One that I never in a million years would have expected to visit, if I’m being perfectly honest. He is coming in order to offer an ear, to encourage you all, and especially to find one student who he is going to mentor for a little while. When he comes, we will be on our best behavior. So! Without further ado, our new visitor is - drumroll please -” the dining hall erupted into noise as boys stomped their feet and banged on the table. “- Captain Steve Rogers!”What. The fuck.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 23
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first shrunkyclunks fic! I wrote this while I myself was at a therapeutic boarding school. I had to bend the rules of a TBS a little to make this work, but that's alright. 
> 
> Warning for talk of why Bucky's in treatment. It's not talked about in a serious way - it's just sorta mentioned because of character building I guess. He tried to kill himself once in his past and that is mentioned. I'm awful at tagging so if there are any tags you would like for me to add, please let me know! Also, there's quite a bit of cursing if you're sensitive to that. Oh and Bucky has some social anxiety - nothing horrible but it's still present.
> 
> Mature rating is earned later, but don't worry it's all written out I just need to transcribe it onto my computer.
> 
> Enjoy, my sweets...

It began seven months and twenty-one days after Bucky arrived at the Catskill Academy for Boys, eleven months and one day after his eighteenth birthday, and eleven months exactly since he had last used drugs or had sex. Looking back, Bucky was glad for the timing of it all, as he had racked up enough privileges during his time at CAB, and of course for legal reasons, as well. Bucky had already broken enough laws during his lifetime.

CAB wasn’t a normal school - if one allows for the use of such a word. It was a TBS, a therapeutic boarding school. It wasn’t Bucky’s first treatment center, either. Before CAB, he had gone for three months to a wilderness therapy program, otherwise known as “the woods.” To be more specific, he had gone to Blue Ridge Therapeutic Wilderness, on the tougher side of things but not quite at the level of Wingate or other such programs. The basics of that program were that he and eleven other boys lived in the woods for three months without any of the comforts of modern living that one so often takes for granted. There, he dealt primarily with his addiction and family relationships, as well as his social anxiety. But that barely scratched the surface of the fucked-up mess that was James Buchanan Barnes. Left virtually untouched by his woods experience were his grief, trauma, guilt, and plenty of other depressing shit. So here he was, at a fucking therapeutic boarding school, away from his friends and his family and his life. But at least he had a toilet now. And thankfully he didn’t even have a roommate - an almost unheard-of circumstance - which he loved.

“Hey, Bucky!” Bucky turned his head where it was lying on the cushion beneath him to see Luke, a guy in Bucky’s family unit (in the same dorm with the same therapist) coming up to him. Bucky just laid his head back down and grunted a greeting. Luke was one of Bucky’s closest friends at the school. He didn’t have anyone he would consider a best friend, but he had his fair share of close ones.

“They’re doing Current Events down in the rec room, wanna come?” Current Events was one of the activities that were offered occasionally. In it, the students got to watch the news (mostly CNN) to catch up on what was happening in the world around them that they were so disconnected from.

“Sure,” Bucky said, pushing his hands against his knees as he sat up with a false smile, “Why the fuck not? It’s boring as shit around here, anyway.” Never at home would Bucky willingly watch the news if he had a choice - he could get it all from friends or Reddit anyway - but that was what boredom did to a person.

“Cool,” said Luke, and headed off in the direction of the rec room. Bucky, in no rush, peeled himself off of the couch, left the sun porch, and went down the stairs to the rec room in the center of the basement.

The minute he entered the room, he was filled with a new sense of urgency and excitement from what he saw on the TV. The banner read, “Avengers Stop Terrorist Bombing in Houston” and presently on the screen was Captain America himself, still in his uniform. He was saying something about the steps everyone at home could take to ensure their safety. Bucky sank into one of the chairs toward the front.

Luke, who occupied the seat next to Bucky, elbowed him in the side. “Bet you’re pretty glad you cam down now,” he said quietly with a small laugh.

Bucky rolled his eyes, “Shut the fuck up.”

Percy, from two seats away, chimed in, “What?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Bucky replied.

“No, seriously,” Percy pressed, “What?”

“Seriously,” Bucky said, beginning to be annoyed now, “drop it.” Percy wasn’t exactly his favorite person at school.

“Okay, fine.” Percy huffed and leaned back in his chair.

A few weeks back during a game of Truth or Dare (a game that was completely against the rules, by the way), Bucky had made the mistake of admitting he had once (or twice) fantasized about Captain America fucking him in the iconic uniform. He hadn’t thought it was a big deal - who hadn’t? But Luke, as well as Tyler and Gabe, the other players of the game, had not let it go since.

“We would not have been able to prevent this incident without the help of the Houston Police Department.” Captain America’s smile as he signed off and walked away, ignoring all further questioning, made Bucky glad he was already sitting down. His stomach clenched at the fucking charm. Jesus.

So he may or may not have understated his crush on the man.

The truth was that Bucky’s infatuation with the illustrious Captain was a little more intense than he had let on. Not that he was obsessed with the man or joined any of the hordes of fan groups on the internet who gathered to post sexual fanfictions and ogle his ass. It was just that sometimes at night when he was searching for something nice to think about, Steve Rogers popped into his head.

The TV had switched to some new video, something about a plane crash in Syria. Bucky found himself not listening, his mind otherwise occupied by the man in red, white, and blue.

***

It was lunchtime when they announced it. Bucky was sitting with Luke, Gabe, Tyler, Simon, and Jake and they were discussing their experiences eating out girls. Just a normal day, as crass and crude as ever - Bucky felt right at home, even if he had nothing to contribute to this particular conversation due to the fact that he just really loved dick.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Autumn, his family unit’s current RA (residential advisor), walk up to the front of the room in front of the two long tables full of boys.

“Everyone settle down,” she said a little too quietly. “Y’all! Quiet!” she said louder. The conversations in the room began to die out. “Boys!” Autumn finally shouted and the dining hall quieted. This was a strange event, one that Bucky hadn’t seen in his time at CAB. Usually, there wasn’t anything big to report so there was no reason to make an announcement. So he was understandably excited. “Thank you. Now, I have a very, very exciting announcement, but I’m going to need you to be quiet while I get this out. We have a visitor coming to CAB - a very special one. One that I never in a million years would have expected to visit, if I’m being perfectly honest. He is coming in order to offer an ear, to encourage you all, and especially to find one student who he is going to mentor for a little while. When he comes, we will be on our best behavior, yes? We will go over what that means more when the day arrives. So! Without further ado, our new visitor is - drumroll please -” the dining hall erupted into noise as boys stomped their feet and banged on the table. “- Captain Steve Rogers!”

What. The fuck.

***

“Bucky?” Luke waved a hand in front of the face of the man in question. “Bucky, man, you good?”

“He’s in fucking shock or something,” provided Tyler so helpfully.

“Yeah, yeah,” Bucky said, waving a hand in front of his face to swat away Luke, “I’m fine. Just got a little excited… ” Bucky laughed awkwardly. His anxiety was going through the roof.

“I’m sure you did,” Tyler said. As much as Bucky loved the guy, sometimes he could be just a touch frustrating.

“Holy fuck,” Jake said, effectively steering the conversation away from Bucky, for which he was grateful. “I can’t believe this is really happening.”

“I know,” replied Gabe.

“Are we sure it really is,” Simon asked, “Like, are they just fucking with us or something?”

“I really hope not!”

As they talked, Bucky let his focus drift for the second time that day. Fantasies went through his head, fantasies of an illicit whirlwind romance, even just fantasies of shaking Captain motherfucking America’s star-spangled hand.

Bucky thumped his head against the table. What was wrong with him? There was a huge age gap between them - something over a decade, Bucky wasn’t sure.

And besides, who was he to want Captain fucking America? A teenager with a fucked up brain and too many piercings?

He would never stand a chance.

***

The next half-day went by in the blink of an eye. Bucky robotically went through the motions of a Saturday morning, chatting with his friends, eating his breakfast. And then, at about 11:30, something peculiar washed over him and he _knew_ , somehow, that had had to be outside in that moment. So he excused himself from his friends (aka he got up said “bye” and walked away) and went outside to the blue, peeling picnic tables outside of the dining hall, ostensibly for some fresh air.

For a few minutes, Bucky was alone out there and wondering why exactly it was that he left his friends to sit by himself. And then his answer appeared in the form of of blond Dorito-shaped man in sunglasses and a gray baseball cap.

Holy fucking shit, to say the least. Bucky’s eyes, he was sure, were as big as saucers as he unabashedly ogled the man from afar. He was fucking gorgeous, as breathtaking as he was on TV or perhaps more so, and Bucky’s leg began to shake furiously with anxiety.

As he got closer to the table where Bucky was situated, Bucky quickly composed himself, though he couldn’t do anything to stop his leg from shaking.

And then he got closer. And then Bucky realized he was heading straight towards him. Bucky assumed a pleasant expression, a little grin on his face.

“Hey,” Captain Fucking America said.

“Hey,” Bucky replied, his voice a touch breathier then he would have liked. Hopefully, the other man didn’t notice.

“Do you know where the front office is?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said, more surely this time. He mentally patted himself on the back for keeping his cool. The captain looked at him askance when nothing followed the word.

“You wanna tell me where it is?” he asked, crossing his arms, an amused expression on his face.

A wave of boldness overcame Bucky. His leg stopped shaking. “What, and have you leave me here all alone?” He looked up at the man through his lashes.

Captain America smiled and checked his phone briefly. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Bucky allowed himself a smile and gestured to the empty seat in front of him. Captain America sat down and Bucky felt a flash of _Jesus - Captain Fucking America’s sitting with me what is my life_.

“So,” he began, “What should I call you?”

Although all of Bucky’s cringey instincts and impulses were yelling at him to say “baby” or something of that nature, all he replied with was his name. It took a moment of debating, however, and the other man’s face caused Bucky to wonder if he knew exactly what he was thinking.

“Hi, Bucky. I’m Steve,” _Steve_ said. Steve!

Bucky smiled. “Hey, Steve.”

“How long have you been here, Bucky?” Alright, not what he was expecting Steve to ask, but that’s alright.

“Almost eight months. Got my phone last week and everything!”

“That’s good. Exciting.”

“Yeah.” Bucky’s earlier confidence had completely faded and his leg started shaking again and he avoided eye contact until Steve spoke again after a short pause.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you a personal question?” Steve looked almost apologetic.

“Sure, I don’t mind,” Bucky said immediately, “Believe me - I’m an open book.”

Steve smiled then and glanced down at the table before looking back up. “Why are you here?”

Oh, of course - the most basic treatment question. Bucky had his answer memorized so it rolled off his tongue easily. “Because I was getting too much dick.” Bucky watched as Steve choked with wide eyes before laughing. For a moment, Bucky felt somewhat guilty. Here he was with a man from the beginning of the twentieth century - about a hundred years ago - who was in all likelihood straight as an arrow and probably homophobic, and Bucky went and started talking about his gay conquests. But then he brushed the idea to the side - if Steve wasn’t okay with it, why would he be laughing? So when Steve settled down again, Bucky continued, “No, but really, I was doing a shitton of drugs - mostly weed, vaping, benzos, so nothing crazy terrible - having too much unsafe sex, not going to school, planning my suicide and shit, and self-harming. I have - or rather had, really - pretty bad depression and social anxiety, not to mention loads of trauma and grief and shit. Oh and I did try to kill myself once, so that didn’t help my case.”

Steve listened to this all with a thoughtful expression. “Thank you for telling me all that.”

“You’re welcome. Trust me, I’ve had to repeat that spiel just so many times.” For a moment, only a moment, their eyes firmly locked and something new traveled between them, something that set Bucky’s heart in motion. And, ever afraid of emotional intimacy, Bucky cleared his throat. “So tell me, Steve, why are you here? And don’t give me some bullshit about wanting to help the youth of today or something.”

Steve gave him a look.

“What? Turnaround’s fair play, Stevie boy.” At this, Steve raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment.

“Find. I do honestly want to help make a difference, but!” At Bucky’s scoff, he rolled his eyes and continued, “But… this could’ve been me, you know? I’ve certainly had my fair share of trauma and mental health issues. So I mean if I can help you guys get to a better place, of course I’m going to.”

“Thank you, then. That’s very… noble.”

Steve smiled softly. Bucky tentatively pressed his foot against that of the other man. And, as cliche as it was, the world seemed to fall away for one precious second.

And then, just as Bucky was beginning to feel uncomfortably exposed, Precious, one of the school’s cats, hopped up onto the table and casually strolled across it. And the moment was broken. Bucky felt Steve’s foot pull away and he began to pet Precious in hopes of consolation.

“Well, I had really better be going to the office now,” Steve said and checked his phone, “It’s already later than I’d hoped it would be.” Suddenly, Steve’s eyes widened and he held out his hands in front of him, “Not that I mind. I mean, it was really nice - I really enjoyed - thank you for talking with me, Bucky.”

Bucky couldn’t help but smile at the endearing display. Apparently, even Captain Fucking America could get flustered. The more hopeful and romantic side of Bucky wondered if he was the reason behind this newfound awkwardness and if he was - wow. But he obviously pushed that to the side. He’s just Bucky. Nothing special.

And off went Steve Rogers toward the main office after Bucky pointed it out for him.

And if Bucky took the chance to stare at his ass as he went, well nobody had to know.

***

After taking a few minutes to himself in order to collect his thoughts, Bucky headed inside to rejoin his friends.

“Hey, fucker, where’d you run off to?” Jake asked, lounging on the couch, Bucky’s other friends surrounding on the nearby armchairs. Bucky took a seat on the table in the middle.

“Nowhere special - just talking with a new friend.” Bucky said with a stupid grin.

“Who?” Gabe asked, giving Bucky exactly what he was looking for.

“Just Steve. Steve Rogers.”

It took a moment, and then suddenly, the group exploded into noise.

“Steve fucking Rogers?”

“First name basis, huh?”

“Lucky bastard.”

“Are you fucking kidding?”

Bucky chose to only answer to the last remark. “Nope. Me and him got along _real_ well.”

“Jesus, Bucky, you didn’t flirt with the guy, did you? He’s Captain America, man.” Tyler asked, looking concerned.

“No, no, don’t worry about that. I didn’t flirt with the guy. Not really, just in my weird sorta-kinda way.”

“Good,” Tyler responded and Bucky’s stomach churned. Would it have really been so bad if he had? It hadn’t seemed like Steve hated talking to him, or that he changed the way they interacted after learning Bucky was gay.

“Gentlemen!” A voice called from the dining hall, just off the sunporch where Bucky and co were sitting. “If everyone could please make their way to the dining hall, I have someone I’d like to introduce you to.”

Bucky and Luke shared a look, but they all dutifully got up with the rest of the students and walked into the dining hall. There, the noise of 35 or so boys became almost deafening as they caught a glimpse of their guest. Bucky, however, remained silent and simply found his way to a seat in the middle with Luke and Gabe. The rest of the friend group had gone off to excitedly confer with other boys.

Bucky took the opportunity to look across the dining hall at Steve. He was being mobbed by students as RAs tried in vain to get them to settle down and return to their seats. He truly was gorgeous and Bucky knew in his soul that he could never compare. Or something less melodramatic.

But then those thoughts evaporated when, over the crowd of boys, Bucky met Steve’s eyes. Steve gave a look like “save me” and Bucky winked in return. He felt awkward, but Steve seemed to appreciate it. AKA he rolled his eyes at the younger man.

“Gentlemen!” Aisha, another RA, shouted, causing all those nearby to flinch at the volume. “Please! Sit down!” She made no room for discussion and the dining hall went nearly silent. “It is my absolute pleasure, gentlemen, to introduce to you someone who truly needs no introduction: the star-spangled man with a plan Captain Steve Rogers!”

At this, the room erupted once more, though Bucky could’ve sworn he saw a pained expression on Steve’s face for a quick moment. But it was gone so fast that Bucky wasn’t sure what he saw.

Steve raised his hands after a moment with a smile and the noise faded.

“So,” he said and clapped his hands together, “Where to begin?”

***

It was after the talk and Steve had been ushered into another room to discuss something with the therapists and administration. This left the students in the care of the RAs, who evidently had no plan for the moment, as they were simply sitting quietly and watching as the students talked, as wild as ever.

Steve had talked a little about the struggles in his own life and preached about asking for help and working to grow before answering a few questions and finishing by taking a group picture. He had to stop the questions, however, when a kid from across the room called out, “Did your dick get big from the serum, too?” It was, honestly, a question on Bucky’s mind, as well, but he never would’ve asked in such a public setting. The boy’s friends cheered him on. At the question, Steve clapped his hands together in his way and pronounced his talk over. As he left the room, he made brief eye contact with Bucky, who raised an eyebrow, asking without words if the last question was true. Steve only smiled.

Now, Bucky was sitting in the midst of his friends as they talked. As was his pattern when he was feeling anxious, Bucky simply listened.

“That fucking dickwad stole all of my goddamn drink mix, I know it.”

“How do you know it was him?”

“He’s my fucking roommate - of course it was him! And I saw him eyeing them earlier in the week, too.”

“Maybe it was Jesse. I know his parents don’t send him any and he’s right across the hall from you and he’s always drinking _something_ from that YETI cup of his.”

“Yeah, but Jesse? Really? That pussy? You think he’s got the balls to steal anything from anyone, especially me?”

“He’s a lot less of a pussy than you’d think, trust me. We talked the other day - he’s done some fucked-up shit.”

“I don’t know if I believe that.”

Suddenly, a new voice cut in. “Bucky?” It was Michelle, an office staff, and she was standing right behind him. “Can I talk to you for a sec?” It was then that Bucky noticed the piece of paper she held in her hand.

“Sure,” he said and followed her to her office, the first one in the locked office hallway in the back. She shut the door behind them with a click.

“Captain Rogers has left already,” she began and inexplicably, Bucky’s heart sank, “But he has left us with _this_ ,” she raised the folded paper, “To give to you.”

With that, she handed over the paper to Bucky, who took it eagerly.

**Dear Bucky,**

**I have decided to pick you as a mentee due to our conversation earlier. You seem to me to be a person of character and your therapist has assured me of your previous growing and desire to continue to do so. Bucky, to be perfectly frank (more so than I might usually be), I see something interesting in you and would like to get to know you better. Please, as a courtesy to me, don’t share this note. I look forward to helping you in your journey and hopefully learning more about you in the process. My number is ###-###-####.**

**Sincerely,**

**Steve**

Bucky looked up from the note, completely shell-shocked. Holy fucking shitballs.

“Congratulations, Bucky,” Michelle said, smiling.

“Thanks…” Bucky replied, “But, like, what does this look like? I mean, what does his mentoring me mean?”

“Well, mostly it means that he’ll call every once and a while - he assured me that he enclosed his number in that note and really it is a good thing that you have your phone now - as well as you will go on one or two area visits with him. With your parents’ permission, of course.”

Bucky could barely breathe - this mentorship sounded perfect. But his anxiety was starting to get the better of him. Was he really the best choice? What if he fucked this all up and Steve regretted choosing him? What if he - no. Everything will be fine, just shut up and talk. It’s your turn in the conversation. Wait, that’s confusing. “Oh, wow, okay.”

Michelle laughed lightly. “Yeah. So, that’s all. Go tell your friends.”

“Okay. Yeah. Thank you.” Michelle led Bucky back to the dining hall, where he sat back down in his old spot, staring blankly at the table.

“So?” Luke prompted when Bucky didn’t immediately say anything.

“I’m getting mentored by Captain Fucking America.”

***

That night found Bucky in his bed in the dark, listening to music and staring at his texts. Steve’s number was already entered at the top of the new message screen. The blinking line transfixed Bucky. Gathering all his courage and triumphing briefly over anxiety, his dear old friend, he pressed send.

You, 10:18 PM: _Hey there. Thanks for picking me. :)_

An answer came immediately, just after Bucky inputted Steve’s number into his contacts.

CFA, 10:18 PM: _Hi, Bucky. You’re welcome._

CFA, 10:19 PM: _Are you free right now?_

You, 10:19 PM: _Yea, why?_

Perhaps thirty seconds after he sent his last text, his phone began to chime with the sound of an incoming FaceTime, making Bucky glad he had his Airpods in. Bucky immediately ran to shut the door to his room to block out the night RAs and set up his phone at the end of his bed so that the camera could see his whole body as he sat cross-legged. He ran his hands through his hair and checked out his appearance on the phone. Today, he was wearing ripped red jeans, checkered Vans (of course), and an oversized black hoodie from a concert he went to on his last home visit. He looked fine. Maybe a little too wannabe emo, but that was alright. Only then did he answer the FaceTime call, with quite a bit of trepidation.

Steve’s face popped up on the screen, with slight stubble and a few stray hairs out of place on his head. In other words, he looked like a goddamn Adonis. Jesus, what was Bucky doing? Steve smiled and Bucky smiled back.

“Hey, Steve,” Bucky said happily. And then the world froze. This was really happening? Abort abort abort.

“Hey, Bucky,” was the response. “How was your day?”

Bucky could do this. He could. “Pretty good,” he said,” Got to hang out with my friends, got to do some drawing… oh! And a sexy superhero gave me his number, so that was cool.”

“That does sound cool. You draw?”

Bucky grimaced. “Yeah, but not very well. Just started taking a drawing class here, though, so hopefully, I’ll get better.”

“That’s great! I’m something of an artist myself if you can believe that.”

“Really? I didn’t know that.” See, Bucky wasn’t as obsessed as the author might have you believe.

“I’d wager a guess there’s a lot about me that you don’t know.”

A pause in which Bucky considered the implications of the statement. Then Bucky said, “Would you maybe be willing to show me some of that art of yours?”

“Uh. Yeah, sure.” Steve stood up and the camera shook. “Well, I don’t really keep any of it here, but - oh! Here’s my sketchbook.” Steve bent and grabbed it.

“Steve,” Bucky asked, curious about what Steve meant, “Where are you right now?”

“Oh, I’m at the compound right now - you know, the new one after Avengers Tower got sold and all that. We were having a meeting until late and I didn’t feel like driving all the way back to my apartment.”

At Steve’s words, a wash of something came over Bucky. Because at that moment, it struck him just how insignificant he was. Here Steve was, a proper adult with an apartment. And here Captain America was, having meetings with the Avengers and saving the universe. And Bucky was so young and just _insignificant_. But rather than let those feelings overwhelm him, he pushed them to the side to dissect later.

“Buck?” Steve asked, “Are you okay? You looked a little queasy just then.”

“What? No, yeah, I’m fine. Anyway! Art? I’m very curious now.”

“Okay, but you should know I don’t share it very often - or ever, so…”

“Ooh, now you really have to show me.”

“Okay.” Steve’s camera momentarily went blank and then he reappeared and flipped the camera so Bucky could see a large black sketchbook laid out on a gray bedspread. As he watched, Steve flipped open the first page to a portrait of a woman - unmistakably Natasha Romanov from what Bucky had seen of her on TV. He briefly wondered if he would ever get to meet her then refocused on the drawings.

It truly was impressive - incredibly realistic and beautifully shaded. And more than that, there was such an energy to the piece that made it feel positively alive.

Bucky was thoroughly impressed and he told Steve as much.

“Uh. Thanks,” Steve said hesitantly, “Sorry, I just don’t have a great time with compliments.”

“Don’t worry about it - I do, too.”

“Yeah,” Steve said and turned the page to a drawing of another woman, one that Bucky didn’t recognize. This one was even more detailed than the last and Bucky could just imagine Steve poring over it for hours, trying to make it perfect. Bucky heard Steve draw in a breath.

“Who’s that?” he asked.

Steve took a moment before answering and flipped his camera bck to his face. “That’s Peggy Carter, a woman I knew before the ice.”

“Oh,” Bucky said softly. He had heard of Peggy Carter, heard of her and Steve’s budding romance. It had always sounded so wonderfully romantic. And Bucky was back to feeling inadequate, this time with the added bonus of jealousy and therefore guilt - who was he to feel jealous? He had no right to lay a claim on Steve.

“Steve, can I ask you something?”

“Sure. Like you said earlier, open book. Sort of.”

“And it may sound insensitive or, like, weird and blunt, or like - ”

“Bucky.”

“- really personal or - ”

“Buck.”

“- what?”

“Relax. I said you can ask me. I promise I won’t think less of you for ti. And if I really don’t want to answer, I just won’t.”

Bucky took a deep breath. “Okay. Well, uh. So. What’s your sexuality?”

He fiddled with his hands as he awaited an answer.

Steve smiled. “That’s actually something I’ve had to think about a lot since I came out of the ice. I think I”m bisexual. Or maybe pansexual - those two are a little confusing, to be honest. Which is, you know, not exactly a new concept, but a new one in regards to myself, but I’m fairly secure in it. I grew up in a queer neighborhood, after all, so it’s not completely alien.”

“Oh, okay, that’s cool. Thanks for telling me. Since I just asked you such an invasive question, do you have any for me?”

“A few, actually. How about this: a question for a question. Quid pro quo.”

“Sounds good to me.” Bucky leaned forward until he was on his stomach facing the camera.

“Okay. Do you have any siblings?”

“Yeah, my sister Becca. Um. Who’s your favorite Avenger? Other than you.”

“Do I have to answer?”

Bucky grinned. “Yup.”

“Okay. Maybe Nat. She’s just so capable and I have a soft spot for people with troubled pasts turning a new leaf.”

“Okay.” Interesting.

“This one might be a little weird but I’m curious.”

“Alright, hit me.”

“What meds are you on?”

“Um. Abilify and Wellbutrin as well as Vyvanse, but I’m getting off of that because I don’t actually have ADD, I just couldn’t focus while depressed. What’s your favorite song?”

“Oh, I really don’t know. I enjoy a lot of different kinds of music. Do you have a best friend?”

“No. I used to, though. What do you think of Trump?”

“Not exactly my favorite. What are your politics like?”

“Liberal, at last socially. I don’t know enough about economics.” Bucky grinned suddenly. “Is it true?”

“Is what true?”

“What Jayden said today in the dining hall.”

“What?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“Uh. No?”

Bucky squirmed uncomfortably but went forward with it anyway. “Did the serum supersize your dick?”

Steve laughed. Hard. “Why? You interested in finding out?” Steve leaned back and grinned.

Now Bucky laughed. “Hey - you can’t ask your question until you’ve answered mine. So…?”

“No. No, it didn’t”

“Okay, fair.” Bucky kept his face impassive.

“So now you have to answer my question, _Bucky_.”

“Right. Uh. Maybe.”

“Maybe what?”

“Maybe I am. It depends on your answer to my next question.”

“Which is?”

“Are you interested in me finding out?” Oh, God. There were better ways to ask that, Bucky!

“What do you think?”

“There you go again, answering a question with a question.”

“Sorry - bad habit of mine. PR stuff, you know.”

“Mmhmm.” Bucky waited a moment for Steve to speak but when he didn’t, Bucky just sighed lightly. “Alright - I’ll drop it. New question… Do you have any tattoos?”

“No. Do you?”

“Yeah, wanna see?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Okay.” Bucky went to lift up his shirt then paused. “Do you count stick-and-pokes?”

“Sure.”

“Alright. So I have this one,” he said and stripped off his shirt, revealing Paddington Bear resting on his hipbone. “It’s for my mother. She died when I was eight. Then there’s this - “ he turned around to show the stylized lotus flower no his left shoulderblade, “from y’ know, the suicide attempt. You know, like a lotus blooms in the mud and all that. Better for me than a semi-colon, at least. I think. No shade to anyone who has a semi-colon tattoo, it’s just not for me. Those are my only real ones right now, but I have this,” he showed the stick-and-poke sun on the side of his middle finger, “and this,” and then his stick-and-poke B on his ankle, “For my sister Becca. And finally, I’ve got a shitty smiley face on my upper thigh over some of my self-harm scars.” Bucky sat back but kept his shirt off.

“I’m sorry about your mom, Buck.”

“Thanks.” A beat. Then, “My turn. Would you ever get a tattoo?”

Steve paused for a moment. “Maybe, I guess. Somewhere hidden. If I find something that means a lot to me. I probably wouldn’t get something if it just looked cool.”

“Hmm. I think you’d look good with a tattoo.”

Steve smiled. “Noted. Are you gay?”

“Yeah. Pretty hardcore gay over here. Who’s your favorite Disney princess?”

“Huh. Maybe Mulan.”

“Figures.”

“Are you allergic to anything?”

“No, just pollen a little. Are you?”

“I used to be. Then, well,” Steve gestured down at himself. “Favorite movie?”

“Don’t make fun - I know I sound emo, but _Fight Club_ or _Heathers_ . Probably _Heathers_. Have you ever gotten drunk?” Bucky asked.

“No. Serum, and all that. Have you ever had sex with a girl?”  
  
“Yeah. A few times towards the end of middle school. Come the end of freshman year, though, that stopped. For obvious reasons. What is something about yourself that I don’t know?”

“Hmm. I’m a bad singer? Truly bad.”

“Really? I love to sing.”

“Oh, you’ll have to sing for me sometime.”

“I’d love to!” It was about this time that Bucky realized with a jolt that his anxiety had completely melted away a while ago. It was nice.

“How many piercings do you have?”

“Let’s see. Once in my nose, one on my tongue - sometimes, and seven in each ear. So sixteen, I guess.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah. Never really knew how to express myself and now I just like the way they look.” Bucky checked the time. “Fuck.”

“What is it?” Steve looked concerned.

“I really hate to do this - believe me, I do, but I do have to get up on time tomorrow and I’m sure you have your super important saving the world shit to do, so I’d really better go.”

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have kept you up so long - I apologize.”

‘No, no, trust me - don’t apologize. I had a really fucking good time.”

“Okay, good. I’m glad. Well, I’ll see you, Bucky.”

“See you.” With a wave and a smile, Bucky ended the call.

“So. That was fun,” he said to no one. Then he erupted into a flurry of excited giggles that he would deny ever happened if anyone asked. “Let’s hope he calls back.”


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, rather understandably, Bucky was hesitant to get up. When his alarm went off at 6:30, Bucky shut it off and rolled to his side, trying to preserve the memories of the night before and ignore the looming threat of school.

But then somewhere between 6:35 and 6:40, Bucky remembered one important fact: school was easy as hell and he could just text Steve under the table. With this realization, Bucky eagerly got out of bed and went about his daily routine. Deodorant, face wash, moisturizer, tooth-brushing, clothes, makeup. That last step was a special one, for it wasn’t often that Bucky woke up early enough to put any on, but he liked to when he could. Today called for some eyeliner and mascara, along with color-correction and eyebrows. Nothing huge, but Bucky knew he looked good.

Bucky grabbed his phone and backpack and headed out the door.

***

“Hey, Bucky,” Tyler said as he sat in his usual chair in the dining hall.

“Hey, fuckers,” Bucky responded amicably.

“Anyway,” said Jake, “He sent me an email the other day saying, like, ‘Hey I found this guy Jason at Riverwood who said he’d hook us up if we get Em to y’know…’ and I was like fuckin’  _ pissed _ . Like, my therapist reads that shit, man - I don’t have personal email yet! She’s not supposed to know my friends still do drugs or I won’t be able to hang out with them when I leave. Jesus.”

“I’d be so pissed,” Gabe said. “Especially since you haven’t even had a home visit yet and that might really affect it.”

“Oh, shit, I didn’t even think of that.”

“It’s fine,” Bucky chimed in, “I probably shouldn’t be telling you this and don’t you dare tell Stacey I said this, but I’ve been talking to Stacey in our sessions and she said you’re getting a home visit before the end of next month.”

“Holy fuck - really?” Jake exclaimed.

“Yeah, man.”

“ _ Fuck _ yes!”

Bucky checked his phone for the time, suddenly realizing something. “Oh,  _ fuck me _ \- I gotta go take meds.”

“Alright, everybody!” another student yelled from the entrance to the dining hall, “Bucky, Adam, Chris, go get your meds!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m going,” Bucky rolled his eyes. “See you guys later, then.”

“Bye, Bucky.”

“See you.”

***

Bucky chose a strategic position in the back of the room for this morning’s first period. The other students filed in a few at a time and Bucky watched as the group who normally sat where he currently was become miffed and moved to a new location.

You, 8:29 AM: _ heyy _

CFA, 8:29 AM: _ Aren’t you supposed to be in class like a good little schoolboy? _

You, 8:30 AM:  _ classes don’t start until 8:30 so hah _

CFA, 8:30 AM: _ You do realize it’s 8:30 right now, right? _

You, 8:30 AM: _ Shut up :( _

CFA, 8:30 AM:  _ Make me. _

You, 8:30 AM:  _ lmao how?? im literally in class rn _

CFA, 8:31 AM:  _ So you admit it! _

You, 8:31 AM:  _ yeah yeah whatever. but does a guy need to pay attention to fucking calculus when he could be texting captain america??? _

CFA, 8:32 AM: _I guess not? How’s school?_

You, 8:32 AM:  _ you did not srsly just ask me hows school. school fucking sucks but thats nothing new. I mean we learn absolutely fucking nothing at this school!!!! _

CFA, 8:32 AM:  _ Sorry. _

You, 8:33 AM:  _ all good. whatre you doing rn _

CFA, 8:33 AM:  _ Stress cleaning. _

You, 8:34 AM: _ Ur one of those compulsive cleaners huh _

CFA, 8:34 AM:  _ I bake, too. _

You, 8:34 AM:  _ a real Renaissance man. _

CFA, 8:35 AM: _ My mama raised me right. _

You, 8:35 AM:  _ what other hidden talents are you hiding? _

CFA, 8:35 AM: _ Well, they wouldn’t be hidden if I told you, would they? _

You, 8:35 AM:  _ That sounds like an evasion to me… _

CFA, 8:35 AM:  _ I’m just very aware that my “hidden talents” aren’t exactly school-appropriate. Have to spare your young, innocent ears. _

You, 8:36 AM:  _ ill show you mine if you show me yours _

CFA, 8:36 AM:  _ Some other time maybe. _

You, 8:36 AM: _:(_

CFA, 8:36 AM:  _ Sorry… _

You, 8:36 AM:  _ It’s cool. So anything new on the whole saving the world front? _

CFA, 8:37 AM:  _ If I told you I’d have to kill you _

You, 8:37 AM: _ ooh intriguing. guess ill have to get it out of you one way or another… _

CFA, 8:37 AM:  _ Looking forward to it ;) _

You, 8:38 AM:  _ School in treatment is so fucking easy its not even funny. were talking about vector addition which i learned freshman or sophomore year _

CFA, 8:38 AM: _ That sucks :( Definitely something a mentor should take care of for you huh _

You, 8:39 AM:  _ Right. _

A  _ mentor. _ Right. Not a friend. Or anything else. A mentor. Fuck if that reminder didn’t sting.

You, 8:39 AM:  _ what do you bake? _

CFA, 8:39 AM:  _ A bit of everything. Apple and derby pies are my specialties. _

You, 8:40 AM:  _ whats derby pie? _

CFA, 8:40 AM:  _ Walnuts, bourbon, chocolate. _

You, 8:40 AM:  _ oh that sounds good _

CFA, 8:41 AM:  _ I’ll have to make it for you sometime. _

You, 8:41 AM:  _ Fuck yeah you will. I cant believe ive never had that before _

CFA, 8:41 AM:  _ How’s your art coming along? _

You, 8:42 AM:  _ Pretty ok i guess. were working on zentangles in drawing rn _

CFA, 8:42 AM:  _ That’s fun! What of? _

You, 8:42 AM:  _ im doing a snake. _

CFA, 8:43 AM:  _ Show me when it’s done? _

You, 8:43 AM:  _...maybe _

CFA, 8:43 AM:  _ Please? _

You, 8:43 AM:  _ alright yeah sure _

CFA, 8:44 AM:  _ :) _

You, 8:44 AM:  _ but dont say i didnt warn you if its terrible. and dont lie to me either - i fucking hate that. like more than anything _

CFA, 8:44 AM:  _ Scout’s honor. _

You, 8:44 AM:  _ You were a boy scout? _

CFA, 8:45 AM:  _ No :) _

You, 8:45 AM:  _ lol ok then _

CFA, 8:46 AM:  _ But you should know I’m almost always honest. Don’t always answer the question directly, but I’m pretty much always honest. _

You, 8:46 AM: _ thats good to know. Even if its something u really dont want me to know? _

CFA, 8:46 AM:  _ Yeah, I could just not answer the question. _

You, 8:47 AM:  _ Yeah but sometimes thats as good as answering the question yaknow _

CFA, 8:47 AM:  _ See now I’m scared… _

You, 8:47 AM:  _ of lil ol me? you flatter me _

CFA, 8:48 AM:  _ Yeah, yeah. So was there anything you wanted to ask me? _

You, 8:48 AM:  _ not if were keeping things school-appropriate. _

CFA, 8:48 AM:  _ I see how it is. _

You, 8:49 AM:  _ for the record, by the way, ive been 100% honest with u and i plan to be in the future. just saying. _

CFA, 8:49 AM:  _ I appreciate that, Bucky. _

You, 8:49 AM:  _ :) _

You, 8:50 AM:  _ damn im really good at this whole fake paying attention thing. I mena not like thats new information but still _

CFA, 8:50 AM:  _ I feel like I’m going to get in trouble for this. _

You, 8:50 AM:  _ nah these people fucking worship you. you could do whatever you wanted and get off easy _

CFA, 8:51 AM:  _ Good thing I’m not the type to take advantage of that. _

You, 8:51 AM:  _ yea but i am. see: rn _

CFA, 8:51 AM:  _ Imagine right now I’m wearing my patented Captain America Disapproves face. _

You, 8:52 AM:  _ yeah, and youre still texting me lol. Besides, HOT _

CFA, 8:52 AM:  _ Bucky… _

You, 8:52 AM:  _ yeah stevie? (: _

CFA, 8:53 AM:  _ I think I’m gonna bake now, actually. Talking about it’s got me hungry. _

You, 8:53 AM:  _ im sure. ive heard about that super soldier metabolism of yours _

CFA, 8:54 AM:  _ You’ve got no clue. _

You, 8:54 AM:  _ how much do you think you spend on groceries a week? _

CFA, 8:54 AM:  _ Too much, Buck. Too much. It hurts the Depression-era kid inside. _

You, 8:55 AM:  _ oh im sure _

Bucky looked up to check on the state of things only to meet the teacher’s eye, who was staring right at him.

You, 8:55 AM:  _ Shit _

You, 8:55 AM:  _ Shit fuck _

CFA, 8:55 AM:  _ You okay there? _

You, 8:56 AM: _ Yeah. teachers noticed. gtg _

CFA, 8:56 AM:  _ Alright. Use me as an excuse if you must. _

You, 8:56 AM:  _ see youre already catching on! talk to you later steve _

CFA, 8:56 AM:  _ Bye, Buck. _

***

The end of the two long classes before lunch saw Bucky checking his phone as he walked to the dining hall. He smiled when he saw the text waiting for him.

CFA, 11:36 AM:  [photo]  _ Success! Not as good as my ma’s but still damn good. :) _

You, 11:46 AM:  _ Looks great! wish I could be there to share it with you (: _

Bucky put his phone in his pocket as he entered the main building and joined the line for food. Then, unable to resist, he checked it again.

CFA, 11:48 AM:  _ Me too. _

Bucky wore a small smile now as he pocketed his phone.

“What’s got you so happy?” Tyler asked, coming up to Bucky’s side and ignoring the protests of the boys behind him in line.

“Nothing,” Bucky lied, “Can’t a guy just enjoy the beautiful day it is outside?”

Tyler pressed the back of his hand to Bucky’s forehead. “Are you okay? That’s the most non-depressed thing I’ve ever heard you say. Ever.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Bucky replied, swatting at Tyler’s hand, which was quickly withdrawn. “Just happy about having a session during BBM.”

“You lucky fucker. I’d be happy, too.”

“See? Nothing wrong.”

“Alright, whatever.” There was a pause. Then Tyler spoke again. “By the way, Bucky, can we talk later? I kinda got something I wanted to talk about.”

“Yeah, sure,” Bucky said, not thinking much of it. Then he visibly perked up when he saw what was at the end of the line. “Oh fuck yes it’s tacos.”

***

That afternoon, instead of going to BBM, aka Balanced Body and Mind, aka mandatory school-wide gym class, Bucky headed upstairs to Stacey’s office. She was his CAB therapist. Bucky hadn’t been entirely dishonest earlier with Tyler - he really was looking forward to his session.

Not that he could talk about what was actually on his mind, of course. He didn’t want to risk it.

He couldn’t talk about his growing feelings for Steve, never mind the short time they had known each other, couldn’t talk about the helium that filled his head when they talked.

He couldn’t talk about his overwhelming fear that he was going to fall for him. A man over a decade his senior, a man who just so happened to be Captain America. Because that truly scare dhim. And Bucky had no clue what to do with it.

***

That night before dinner, Bucky and his friends watched Mulan in the rec room. Bucky spent most of it drawing the smooth lines of Steve’s face.

***

Steve called that evening as Bucky was getting ready for bed. Bucky eagerly accepted, forgetting what he happened to be doing.

“Hey, Buck.”

“Hey,” Bucky garbled out with a mouth full of toothpaste.

“Bad time?”

Bucky spit. “Never.”

“I’m eating that pie right now.” Steve looked far too smug about that.

“Ugh don’t even. I’m craving sweets right now.” Bucky put the phone down on the counter in front of him so he could go about his nightly routine. It didn’t, unfortunately, make him miss what Steve did next.

“That’s unfortunate.” And the asshole took a big bite of the pie, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Punk.”

“Jerk.”

Bucky had to pick up his phone at that one. “How am I the jerk in this scenario?”

“I don’t know - you just are. Oh! I started talking to Michelle and the office staff about an area visit for you. They really are so nice, you know.”

“With you?” Bucky’s chest felt funny and he had to put his phone back down to hide any expression he might be making.

“Yeah, with me. Why? Expecting someone better?” Bucky didn’t have to look to see the stupid grin Steve was wearing.

“I mean, I have always wanted to meet the Black Widow.” Bucky finished up in the bathroom and took himself and his phone back over to his bed.

“No way you could handle being alone with her for that long. She even scares me - and for good reason! By the end, she’d have all your secrets extracted and you’d be in a ball on the floor. But don’t worry - she’s totally nice up until the interrogation begins!”

Bucky situated himself on his bed, phone propped up against the frame. “I see that as a challenge. Bring it on. I’m sure she couldn’t extract  _ all _ my secrets.”

“Confident, are we? Fifty bucks says you regret it if it ever happens.”

“You’re on. I’m a lot tougher than I look, Stevie boy. I can take some pretty big… challenges.” Bucky winked and Steve rolled his eyes with a small laugh.

“Good to know. You do any drawing lately?”

Bucky looked down, letting his hair fall in his face, thinking of the subject of his last however many drawings. “Yeah, a bit. Not making much progress.”

“That’s okay! As long as you keep trying, you know?” Steve sounded disgustingly earnest and Bucky loved it.

“Yeah, I guess.” Bucky looked up. “What about you, Mr. Artist Extraordinaire?”

“Yeah, actually. In the past, things have been a little too crazy for me to have time to draw, but you inspired me, I guess.”

Flutters erupted. “Oh. What have you been drawing?” Please be him.

“This and that,” Steve answered evasively, “Not much of anything in particular. I’ve always been fond of landscapes.”

“That’s nice. I feel like I’d get too bored to do landscapes, honestly.”

“That’s fair. I just find something so meditative about it. And it helps put together my ideas of the New York I grew up in and the one I see today.” Steve’s words were tinged with sadness.

“That must be difficult, coming back here and seeing everything that’s changed.”

“Well, it’s not fun.” Steve gave a half-hearted chuckle.

“I’ll bet.”

“But if I’d never been unfrozen from the ice, imagine all the things I would’ve missed out on.”

Bucky hoped to God that he wasn’t just imagining the unspoken “like you” at the end of Steve’s sentence. That would be crazy, though, right? They hardly knew each other. “Yeah, that’s true. Things are a hell of a lot easier today in all sorts of ways.”

“Yeah, especially for the not-straight little Irish boy in me,” Steve agreed.

“Yeah.”

“I do still… miss it, though. You know? It feels like there’s a piece of myself that was stolen and I’ll never get it back.”

“I can’t say I understand completely, but I know what that feels like. For sure.”

There was silence for a moment. Then Steve said, “Thanks, Buck. For talking about this with me. There’s not a lot of people who I can talk to about this kind of stuff. Most people are only interested in the Captain America side.”

Bucky’s heart broke a little. “Of course. If you ever want to talk, I’m here.”

Steve smiled.

***

It was in this way that another week passed. Steve and Bucky would talk just about every day, whether via texts or FaceTime, and Bucky couldn’t remember ever feeling the way he did right now. Then two weeks slipped by. And when the third week came and went, Bucky all of a sudden became strangely sad. Because, as much as he wished and prayed for it to change, all Steve was to him was a good friend. And Bucky was just beginning to come to terms with the idea that that was all that would ever be.

And then his world stopped when someone else offered to take the place that Bucky was saving, rather foolishly in his opinion, for Steve. It was a Thursday afternoon and Gave was off campus with his family unit. Jake, Luke, and Simon were all in the basement for Current Events - only Bucky and Tyler had opted out. So the two were sitting on the swing outside of the main building, talking.

When Tyler grew silent.

“What’s wrong?” Bucky asked.

It was then that Tyler explained to Bucky that he had been harboring feelings for him for upwards of three months. He explained that he never said anything because he was too afraid. And he explained that no matter what, he wanted to be Bucky’s friend, if not more. And the question hung in the air: What would Bucky do?

“I’ll think about it,” he told Tyler, and excused himself to the main building where he sat himself down an on armchair and began to think.

Bucky didn’t know what to do, this much could be said definitively. On the one hand, he had no romantic feelings for Tyler and he wouldn’t want to use or hurt him. But on the other hand, nothing was going to happen with Steve and honestly, Bucky missed being in a romantic relationship. He missed the way it felt. Did that make him a bad person, for even considering using Tyler like that?

He talked about it that night on his FaceTime call with Steve - he didn’t know who else to turn to.

“Oh,” Steve said, perfectly neutral, when Bucky finished telling him what happened, “So what are you going to do?” Steve’s voice was measured, controlled - and in the end, it revealed far more than Bucky would have hoped for. A swell of hope welled up in him.

“I don’t know. I guess I’ll think about it.”

“Bucky,” Steve began hesitantly, “If you really like this guy, you. You should go for it.”

“But that’s just the thing,” Bucky said hesitantly, “He’s not the one I want.”

“God, Buck.” Steve rubbed his face with his hands. “I gotta go. Good luck with you friend.”

“Wait - Steve!”

And he was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

For his part, Bucky tried his best to distract himself from the mess that he made of his relationship with Steve.

He talked with friends, tried to pick up the ukulele and got annoyed after a few minutes at the stinging of his fingers. He did everything he was supposed to and threw himself into social situations instead of isolating, knowing what his therapist would say if he spent all of his time alone. Later that day, Tyler came up to Bucky with a question.

“Hey, Bucky. So I don’t know if you’ve thought at all about…”

Bucky sighed internally. This was not what he needed right now. Although, he supposed, if things really did crash and burn with Steve, he could be happy with Tyler. At least temporarily. But that wasn’t fair to Tyler.

“Yeah, Tyler. Just. Just give me a little while longer, okay? Some stuff’s going on right now.”

“Okay! Okay, yeah. Just take as long as you need - I’ll be here. I will be here. Uh. Okay, yeah, I’ll see you later, then?”   


“Yeah. See you.”

“Okay. Yeah. Bye.”

And Bucky thought  _ fuck it _ and isolated himself in his chair.

***

Soon enough, two days had passed without a word from Steve. Bucky tried not to take it too personally - maybe he had other things going on and was caught up in those. But the pervasive thought crept in that he  _ should _ be taking it personally, that Steve wanted nothing to do with him after Bucky’s big implied declaration, that Bucky had scared him off by being too forward.

And then on the third day, something shifted in the air at CAB. All of the RAs huddled around their phones and laptops any time they weren’t actively doing something. Bucky on multiple occasions saw one gasp or flinch from shock. But of course, no one would tell him or anyone else what was going on. But Bucky knew. He knew the signs, knew what it looked like when the Avengers had to be called in for a big threat. So he worried. Excessively. Eventually, Autumn took pity on the boys and hosted an impromptu Current Events session.

Bucky and the rest of the concerned students (about half of the school) filed downstairs and the TV was quickly turned on. What came on shocked just about everyone. An army had descended on London - an army of disfigured creatures, running on four legs and hunched over, their misshapen heads barely above the ground. There were thousands of them, all tearing apart everything they could find - including people, to Bucky’s dismay. Bucky watched in horror as the brave cameraman followed one of the beasts as it made its way to a woman trapped under debris - to be stopped by Iron Man mere seconds before it would’ve made contact. He pulled the woman out of the rubble and flew her to what was hopefully a safer spot.

The camera then focused on something in the background: Captain America fending off dozens of the creatures by himself, back against an apartment building’s wall. Bucky watched in awe and horror as he flipped, kicked, pummeled, and generally was a badass (in Bucky’s opinion).

But then more joined and Cap was staring down upwards of forty of them at once. Bucky felt his anxiety rising.

And right as it began to appear hopeless for the Captain, a creature came out of nowhere and lunged at the screen, which promptly went black.

Some reporter appeared on screen, but Bucky wasn’t paying attention. Steve could be hurt. Steve could be  _ dead _ . And there was fuck-all that Bucky could do. He felt utterly helpless. And it got him thinking.

What if it did work out with Steve? Did he want that kind of life? Did Bucky want to have to wait patiently at the TV screen watching a man he cared about nearly dying a hundred times over?

If it came with Steve, though… Maybe it would be worth it.

Bucky would just have to invest in a lot of Prozac.

***

You, 6:02 PM: _ Hey are you okay? I’m really worried _

You, 6:02 PM: _ I mean not that youre not capable cause you are im just scared ok _

You, 6:02 PM:  _ Ill leave you alone for now im just really anxious right now and this is my knee jerk reaction to that i guess. please tell me ur ok _

***

That night just after dinner, Bucky went upstairs to his room to retire for the night. His nerves and emotions were running so wild that the moment Stacey saw him, she ordered him upstairs to recoup.

And it was a good thing, too, for mere minutes after he entered his bedroom, his phone chimed with the sound of an incoming FaceTime call. From Steve.

Bucky immediately answered and Steve’s tired face came up on the screen. He looked disheveled and weary and his face was battered and bloody. But he was alive. Thank fuck for that. Although he had taken off the cowl, Bucky could see he was still in his uniform, wireless headphones in.

Bucky felt relief flood through his body and his eyes grew wet, which surprised him a little.

“Steve,” he breathed in a sigh of relief and sat down heavily on his bed.

Steve smiled. “Hey, Bucky. I’m okay.”

Bucky smiled back. “You’re okay. Jesus.”

“So,” Steve said, running a hand through his short hair in what Bucky recognized as an anxious gesture, “I’m gonna have to keep this short and to the point because I’m still on the quinjet coming home and Tony and Sam are listening to my side of the conversation for sure -”

A voice broke in from behind him. “You bet your sweet ass we are!”

“And don’t forget about me,” a decidedly female voice added.

“Yeah. All of them are. So that makes this a little awkward,” Steve said with an uncertain laugh, “But I really couldn’t wait any longer. I guess nearly getting your head bitten off will make certain things seem more urgent.”

“Thank you, Steve. For calling,” Bucky had to say. “I’m really glad you’re okay.”

“Yeah, uh, don’t thank me yet. See, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about, Buck.”

Bucky’s heart dropped. So it was true - he really had been too forward and now Steve wanted nothing to do with him.  _ Fuck _ . Words of a higher caliber failed him now, forcing his silence.

“No, no, Bucky - oh God, your face. No, it’s nothing bad - at least I don’t think it is. I mean, that’s up to you, I guess, but -”

“Steve,” Bucky said, words coming back to him, “What is it?”

Steve sighed. “I’m not very good at this, am I? Well, it’s just that when you’re out there, fighting  _ aliens _ and praying you don’t die, well, you start to realize things. And before, I never really had anyone to come back to, but now I think I do.”

He couldn’t mean. No.

“See, Bucky, I was so goddamn worried, okay? I’m not gonna go into why with my teammates beside me, but just. I was so worried that this would never work and that I was wasting both of our times. And we can talk more about this later, and you don’t have to give me any sort of definitive answer now, but Bucky - please don’t say yes to Tyler. I know I have no right to say that, especially after ignoring you, and I have no idea if you already have or not, but -”

“Steve,” Bucky interrupted, hope growing, “What are you trying to say?”

“Bucky,” Steve ran his hand through his hair again and Bucky felt a pang of sympathy for him, which was overshadowed by a wave of anticipation and hope, “I want you.”

Catcalls erupted from behind Steve, then were quickly stopped with a thudding noise and a small “ow.”

Steve blushed in a way that was far too adorable but continued nonetheless, “I want you to be mine and I want to be with you and all of that romantic stuff I can barely say out loud.”

“You’re doing great, sweetie!” that voice called from behind Steve, who peered anxiously down at the camera.

“So what do you say, Buck?”

Bucky felt like he might explode. “Uh, yes? Duh. Have I not been hella fuckin’ obvious?”

Steve cracked a smile. “Okay, yeah, you haven’t been too subtle.”

“What can I say - I know what I want.”

“Buck,” Steve said in a serious tone, “We’re gonna have to figure this out, though. I mean, I’m me and you’re you and the relationship we already have is not super above-board - just, it’s gonna be hard.”

“How about let’s just - let’s not tell anyone. Just for now, yeah? Except for my sister - I can’t not tell Becca - she’d kill me. Literally. And obviously your teammates know a little, but let’s limit that, yeah?”

“Agreed.”

There was a moment of silence before Steve spoke again, “Anyway, I gotta let you go - got a debrief and we’re almost there.”

“Alright. Talk to you later?”

“Of course. Oh, and Bucky?”

“Yeah?”

Steve lowered his voice so his teammates probably couldn’t hear, “Be ready for an area visit.”

Bucky grinned. “Can’t wait. Bye, Stevie.”

“Bye, Buck.”

Holy fucking shit.

***

Bucky turned down Tyler at lunch.

***

The next night, instead of talking just to Steve, he sent a link to a new group chat he created with himself, Steve, and Becca after making sure Steve didn’t mind Bucky sharing his number with his sister. Becca answered the call first.

“Hey,” she greeted him.

“Hey,” Bucky replied.

“I feel like we haven’t talked in  _ months _ . What’s that all about?”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “It’s been, like, a few weeks. At most.”

“Yeah, well, it felt like a lot longer. I miss my big bro.”

“Yeah, I miss you too. But listen, Becs, there’s something I needed to talk to you about.”

“Okay… Kinda worried now but okay.”

“So you know how I told you I’ve been talking to my mentor for a while now and I wanted it to go further?”   


“Yeah…?”

“I didn’t want to tell you much more than that, but… It happened! He asked me to be his boyfriend” - they had discussed this on text after the initial FaceTime call - “and I’m really fucking happy, Becs.”

“Oh my God - I’m so happy for you, Bucky! Just.” Her smile faltered a little. “This is the same mentor who’s in his thirties, right?”

“Yeah,” Bucky answered hesitantly.

Becca took a second. Then she shrugged. “Whatever. You’re eighteen so fuck anyone who tells you it’s wrong. It’s legal for a reason.”

“Thanks, Becs.” Bucky smiled at her, “I really appreciate that.”

“Of course.”

“I knew there was a reason you’re my favorite little sister.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she said, laughing a little at the old joke.

“Oh. And there is one more thing…” Bucky grinned, “He just so happens to be Steve Rogers.”

“Steve Rogers?”

“Yeah.”

“Steve - like Captain America?”

“Yeah…”

Becca laughed. “Okay, Bucky.”

“No, seriously.”

Just as Becca went to answer, the picture on Bucky’s screen changed. Steve had joined the call. Just in time. Bucky smiled happily.

“Hey,” Steve said, waving dorkily at the camera. Becca’s phone dropped to the floor and Bucky laughed.

“See? Fuckin’ told you!” Bucky announced triumphantly, still chuckling.

“What the fuck?” Becca repeated in the distance. “What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?”

“It’s going well,” Steve said with a smile.

Becca’s face reappeared. “Fuck you, James.”

“Hey, I’ll take the ‘fuck you’, but ‘James’ is too far, Becca.”

“Whatever,” Becca said, rolling her eyes. She then smiled at the camera somewhat nervously. “Uh. Hi. I’m Becca. This one’s younger sister.”

“Nice to meet you, Becca. I’m Steve.” Steve said.

“Uh, yeah, I  _ know _ . Er - sorry. That was rude. I’m just a little, um,  _ upset _ with dear Bucky Bear here.”

“Understandable,” Steve said, matter-of-factly, “He’s a little shit sometimes.”

Becca gaped as Bucky laughed.

“Fuck off, punk,” Bucky said.

“Jerk,” Steve replied. Bucky felt something warm inside of him at the new tradition.

“Damn, if I’d been recording just then… ” Becca joked.

“Oh, shit,” Bucky exclaimed, “That’s another thing. We’re kinda keeping this - us - on the down-low for now, so if you wouldn’t mind  _ terribly  _ not telling anyone?”

“Don’t worry,” said Becca, “Your secret is safe with me.”

***

The following day, Bucky spent his free time after dinner perfecting the angle of Steve’s nose on the page, admiring the line of his jaw. He wasn’t insecure enough to deny the fact that he was getting pretty decent. Not quite good enough to show anyone, but certainly not bad. It was for that reason, as well as the embarrassment that would inevitably come if anyone saw the subject of his drawings, that he kept them to himself.

Then, at about a quarter to seven, an RA came to Bucky and asked to speak with him in the office. There, she informed him that “Captain Rogers has requested a home visit in exactly two weeks and Stacey approved.”

And Bucky nearly exploded with excitement. This was all happening so quickly that Bucky could hardly believe it. Was it happening  _ too  _ quickly?

That night, Bucky decided to show Steve his appreciation.

You, 8:50 PM: [photo] _figured I can do stuff like this now…_

It was nothing overly scandalous, just a picture of Bucky with his shirt off and hair pulled out of its bun, pouting at the camera. The first few iterations of it were downright laughable, but Bucky eventually got it right. It took a minute for Steve to respond so Bucky busied himself by brushing his teeth and washing his face.

CFA, 9:03 PM: _ Jesus Bucky, that’s not fair. Can I call you? _

Ever so polite.

In response, Bucky FaceTimed Steve himself, noting to himself that he still had no shirt on and making no move to change that.

Steve immediately picked up. And the fun began.

***

More days passed in this new, exciting way. Things were mostly the same, but now while they were texting, Bucky could put voice to all of the dirty things he wanted to do to or with Steve. And now every few nights, their FaceTime calls had a particularly happy ending for the two.

And more days passed, of FaceTime calls and texts and talks with friends. Until those two weeks had passed and it was time for Bucky’s area visit. The night before, he had excitedly packed for the trip, making sure to include his most aesthetically pleasing outfits (you know, the ones that highlighted his ass the best) as well as some  _ supplies _ he had snuck in after his last home visit - just in case. As well, he hesitantly packed a few surprises, ones he was loathe to advertise he had to most anyone. He hoped it would be worth it and that Steve wouldn’t be entirely put off by it.

And now, the day of, Bucky was a jumbled mess of nerves. So much so that his friends had been giving him weird looks all day, but thankfully, they said nothing, as they knew exactly what had Bucky so excited. Well, they at least knew some of it.

The past two weeks had gone by impossibly slowly and Bucky could hardly believe that the day had finally come. The administration hadn’t given him a time to be ready by, so every two to three minutes, he was glancing toward the door, hoping to see a familiar face walk through.

Eventually, he had to go to school and he suffered through two obscenely long classes before lunch.

Bucky sat down at the lunch table after getting food and was about to say something to Gabe when Jake said, “Uh. Bucky?” and nodded toward the entrance to the hall. Bucky turned to see Steve, flanked by administrative staff and looking slightly uncomfortable at the attention he was getting yet collected all the same.

Bucky immediately stood from his chair and picked up his plate, walking in the opposite direction from where he wanted to go in order to throw his untouched food away. His heart beat wildly all the while. When he finally made his way over to Steve, he faltered. What was he supposed to do in this situation - in front of everyone?

Thankfully, Steve rescued him by holding out a hand casually. Bucky took it, grateful, and shook.

“Nice to see you, Bucky.” His voice was firm and professional.

“Yeah, uh, you too.” Bucky got out.

Michelle cleared her throat, and with a warm smile, led the pair out of the dining hall. Bucky paused for one last wave to his friends, realizing he had never really said goodbye. Not that they really would’ve cared. He was then let upstairs (by himself, sadly) to grab his suitcase and backpack that he was bringing on the area visit to the fabulous town of Hancock, New York. Yeah, the location wasn’t ideal, but at least he’d have Steve, as cheesy as that sounded.

When he returned downstairs, he found Steve was waiting for him with the paperwork already filled out. Without a word, Steve took Bucky’s suitcase from him and turned to the exit, waving a quick, smiling goodbye to Michelle. Bucky hurried to catch up and swatted Steve on the shoulder as they exited the main building.

“You don’t have to carry my shit, you know,” Bucky said, exasperated.

Steve looked over at him. “I like to take care of people I care about, Buck.”

Flurries erupted. “Well, when you put it that way…”

Soon enough, they were in the car, Steve in the driver’s seat, one hand on the wheel and the other coming to rest on Bucky’s thigh as soon as they left the grounds. It didn’t budge until they got to their motel.

***

As they approached what seemed to be their destination, Bucky was filled with anxiety. Was he really going to go forward with this? Would he be disappointed if they ended up losing that spark? What would happen if they kissed and Bucky didn't feel the fireworks he wanted? What would he do?

Steve shifted the car into park and turned to face Bucky.

Fuck it.

“We’re he-” And Bucky kissed him.

Fucking fireworks.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think or just come talk to me about anything in the comments! If anyone reading this went to GBA, fuck yeah come talk to me!
> 
> The story is already pretty much written out but if you have requests for this fic or a new one hmu!


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